You’re not done enjoying life. Your loved ones want the best for you, so let them know how you feel. That means sharing your priorities and telling them why these things are so important to you. They may also want to let you know what matters most to them, so you’ll have a greater understanding of each other’s needs.
It may feel hard to have big conversations like this, but by doing so, you’ll be able to work towards your goals together.
Decide how and when you want to talk, for example face to face or on the phone, morning or evening, weekday or weekend. Think about when you’ll feel ready to have conversations — if you and your loved ones aren’t morning people, wait until a bit later in the day
Choose a calm environment where you won’t be interrupted
Take the list of priorities you prepared and explain that you have carefully worked out what matters most to you
Explain why you have these priorities, and why they are important to you
Outline any changes in your life or care that you think could help support your priorities
Ask them if they have any questions, and if they understand your priorities
Try to be clear and calm in the way you speak, but bear in mind this may be an emotional time for both of you
If they need help to work out what matters most to them, direct them to the ‘Find what matters to you’ booklet
Practice active listening
- Concentrate on what your loved one is saying, instead of thinking about what you want to say next1
- Tell them what you’ve understood and ask them if you’ve got it right1
- Encourage your loved one to concentrate on what you’re saying
- Active listening could help you clearly understand what each other is saying, rather than assuming anything
Discover more communication tips to help you speak openly and honestly on cancer.net
Reference
- Cancer.net. ASCO Answers: Talking With Your Spouse or Partner About Cancer. Available at: https://www.cancer.net/coping-with-cancer/talking-with-family-and-friends/talking-about-cancer/talking-with-your-spouse-or-partner-about-cancer. Accessed: May 2024.